Imposter Syndrome and How to Deal With It

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but I’ve got your back. I am going to discuss a somewhat taboo topic that I experienced after I graduated as a PA. That topic is imposter syndrome. First of all, this won’t look the same for everyone who goes through it. People experience imposter syndrome differently and to different extremes. I am not trying to compare my journey to anyone else. In fact, I know I have had it easy compared to most healthcare providers, especially those on the front lines during the pandemic.

If you’re lucky you won’t ever experience imposter syndrome. I have a feeling that if I have felt these things then that means at least one other person has as well. I am going to get really vulnerable here, but I want to create a community where it is okay to talk about these topics! Mental health should ALWAYS take priority. I am also here to say it IS possible to absolutely love your job most days and other days feel like it’s all for nothing. This is going to be a good one, let’s dive in.

My experience with imposter syndrome

Oof. I did not know what this actually meant until I started working as a PA. I experienced imposter syndrome even after graduating with honors from my PA program. Even after being in the specialty for 2 years as a medical assistant. The truth is, I felt like a medical assistant again when I started my first job as a PA. For those first 6 months or so I was following the dermatologist around thinking I can never be as certain as her. These patients are better off in her hands. How could I possibly take responsibility for their healthcare? These thoughts of doubt plagued me. When I finally started seeing my own patients, I second-guessed all of my decisions. I stayed up at night thinking… did I miss a melanoma? Did I give the patient a medication that would cause more harm than good?

One day I was doing a punch excision on a patient, which meant I had to suture them up. All I could think about the entire time was how slow I was going. The medical assistant working with me that day normally worked with one of the Mohs surgeons. In the middle of the procedure she looked at me and said “wow, I just didn’t realize how fast Dr. so and so is.” That comment pierced right through my insecurity. It’s like she was reading my thoughts. I was embarrassed. I never wanted to suture again. If she was thinking it then that must mean the patients were thinking it too. 

How I dealt with imposter syndrome

I could have let all these negative thoughts run my life. I could have thrown in my white coat and said, “this isn’t for me, I am not cut out for this”. But that would be ridiculous right? Every PA starts somewhere, as does every doctor. The thing is, OF COURSE, the Mohs surgeon was faster at suturing, I mean duh he had gone to residency and finished a fellowship and that’s all he did for over a year. Just because I have been an achiever my entire life (shoutout to all of my type 3 enneagrams) does that mean I should automatically be great at everything? No. So how did I move past imposter syndrome? Or have I not?

I made up my mind. I decided I was going to continue learning all I could and I was going to continue asking questions. And that is precisely what I did. I was extremely fortunate to have such a great supervising physician at my first job. Not everyone gets lucky with that. She wanted me to ask questions and learn. I studied textbooks. I memorized the dermoscopy findings when I did biopsies and then compared them with the pathology results. For the most part, I have moved passed the worst of imposter syndrome. I think time and experience are the main things that have helped. There are still moments when imposter syndrome comes out of hiding. I have gotten better at acknowledging it and moving on. Mostly, now I don’t even have time to think about it because I am so busy.

If you believe you are also experiencing imposter syndrome just know it is okay and probably a little imposter syndrome could be considered healthy. If someone thinks they know everything straight out of PA school they are fooling themselves. I think the key is to continue studying and learning after school and to not be afraid to ask questions. Overtime, your confidence will grow. I know my confidence as a medical provider has strengthened with time, and many other PAs I have spoken to feel the same way. If you have specific questions on how to move past imposter syndrome in certain environments or certain situations I would love to talk it out in the comments below.